


One single tree

by Aditu



Series: Always [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 19:04:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aditu/pseuds/Aditu
Summary: Could there have been a way for Lily and Severus to be together and to be happy ever after? What if things had gone differently right at the beginning? These series are strories, which center around possible paths their life could have taken.





	One single tree

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally a chapter of another story but I made a series out of this and seperate stories out of the chapters. I thought I'd only ever write three Lily/Severus fics but since I finished a forth and have two more in Progress I figure there could be more...

Lily stopped dead in her tracks. She was highly pregnant and she had been out with a friend to do some shopping for the child. She had felt tired and had come back much sooner than she had intended to do. And now she was standing in the doorway to their living room, looking at the extremely shocked faces of three naked men. James, Remus and Sirius were lying on the floor and their whole bodies were entwined, their hairs dishevelled and sweat glistening on their skin. Lily’s mind went blank, her body frozen into place. She was too shocked to react to what was happening there, could only stare at the scene in front of her.

The three men were much faster, jumping up and grabbing their clothes that were strewn all over the floor. Sirius and Remus left the room, almost running as they did so while James just pulled his robes over his head before he turned to Lily. He opened his mouth a few times to say something but he always closed it again before words could come out.

There wasn’t much to say, Lily thought. It had been too obvious what the three had been doing and there was absolutely nothing he could say that explained it.

James must have realized it, too, because he sighed and flopped down on the couch. He put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry.” His voice was dulled through his hands.

Lily suspected she was still in shock because she didn’t fell anything, it was as if she was some robot. The man she was married to had just betrayed her, with two men, with two of her friends. In the middle of their living room. While she was pregnant with their child of all things!

She would have liked to stay standing, to keep some distance between them, but she was tired and her feet were heavy. So she sat down on the couch, too, though she was careful not to touch James.

He sighed again and looked at her. She could see that he was sorry, could see it in his eyes. But what did that matter?

“Are you gay?” Her tone was completely devoid of emotions.

“Yes.”

“How long?” Not that it really mattered. He at least had to have guessed when he had married her. It wasn’t that long ago. And he had said nothing. When he looked away she was sure that he had known for a very long time.

“Since Hogwarts.”

It was still a shock to hear the words. Because he had known from _the_ _beginning_ _of_ _their_ _relationship_! He had been lying to her all along.

“Why? Why did you marry me? Why didn’t you tell me?”

He was still avoiding her gaze, fidgeting with his hands. “You know that homosexuals still hide it, have to hide it. And it isn’t as if it was hard for me to be with you. I do love you. But I was afraid you would leave me if I told you. And I wanted to hide in the marriage.”

Suddenly Lily felt like crying. This was too much. She was so tired, and then this. She would never have suspected anything like that, never! James had hid his secret well.

She stood up. She couldn’t talk about this now, she had to clear her mind, had to digest what she had just seen and learned. She had to get away from here.

“Where are you going?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll come back.”

Without another word she took some floo powder and left. She nodded only shortly to the man in the pub where she arrived. It had been some time since she had been here but it used to be one of her favourite spots in the world. It was a short hike up some hills. There was no path and it was muddy on some parts, stony on others.

The hike up took her much longer than usual because she had to take many breaks. Breathing was hard in this state of the pregnancy and she was still tired, now even more than before. At least she needed all her concentration and didn’t have time to think about James.

When she was over the last hill, the ocean was in front of her, but several feet down. Lily was standing on a cliff with a wide platform covered with grass. One single tree stood a little to her left. It was old with a big trunk but not very high due to the wind always blowing strongly over the cliff.

At the trunk was a place to sit, not overly comfortable because it had been made with some of the stones around here. It had been there one day when Lily had come up here but she was sure that Severus had built it for her.

Aside from James, Severus Snape was the only one who knew about this place and that she liked to come here.

Lily sank down on the hard stone seat and sighed. Leaning her head back, against the trunk, she closed her eyes while her hands stroked over her belly. God, she felt heavy. And fat.

The wind wasn’t too harsh today, but it brought the smell of the sea as it made Lily’s hair dance around her face. The branches over her head rustled and the faint sound of waves crushing against the cliffs could be heard. A few seagulls shouted. It was the most peaceful and beautiful place Lily knew.

She took a deep breath and then she forced herself to think about James. And Sirius and Remus. And what it meant for her, for _them_ , that James had betrayed her like that. Of course she understood that he had kept the secret from her. She even understood that he had used this marriage to make himself appear normal. But it still hurt. Because he had _used_ her. Selfishly. He had lied to her, in fact from the first moment on.

Silent tears streamed over her cheeks. Maybe if he had told her earlier they would have been able to find a solution but right now Lily felt so betrayed by the man she had married that she didn’t know if she ever wanted to see him again, let alone live in the same house and stay married to him. She stroked over her belly again. Thought about the child and tried to picture her and James with the baby boy. But she couldn’t. The image of her husband with his two best friends, naked on her living room floor, always shifted above it.

Lily didn’t want to rob the child of his father but she wouldn’t make herself miserable for him.

She was still crying when her fingers brushed over something between the stones she was sitting on. She pulled it out. Something was packed in plastic, to shield it from the rain and the wind. It was wrapped tightly and it took Lily some time and fumbling to get to what was inside. Then she held a small piece of cardboard in her hands. The edges were a little flexed but all in all it was dry and whole. She turned it, wondering what was so special about it, when she saw that it were two pieces, which were sticking together. Carefully she pulled them apart.

Something dropped onto her belly. She took it into her palm. It was a dried flower, pressed flat between the two pieces of cardboard. Rose coloured, with long pedals. Beautiful.

Through her tears, Lily smiled at the flower in her hand. Severus must have placed it there and it had probably been a long time ago. But it was such a sweet gesture, giving her a flower.

Sometimes she missed him. He had been a good friend. Only, he hadn’t gotten along with James and the group of boys he belonged to. It had been the usual, Slytherin against Griffindor. Lily had hated it, had hated that she had had to choose because she couldn’t pull herself into two pieces and it was impossible to be friends with James _and_ Severus.

One day she had decided and that had been the end of her friendship with Severus. Had he placed the flower before or after that day? She couldn’t tell.

Did Severus come here sometimes? If he had placed the flower before their friendship had ended, why had he left it here?

Had he forgotten about it? That seemed unlikely. He must have put serious thought in it, the way he had packed it, the flower he had chosen. He wouldn’t forget about that. Somehow he had even preserved it, the colours too bright for a dried flower.

Suddenly Lily wondered how he might be doing. She hadn’t thought about him for a while. She had hated that she had left him but there had been nothing she could have done about it. Besides, he was on the side of the Dark Lord now, and she wasn’t. It seemed their opinions had changed much over the years. He had always been such a nice boy, so friendly, she wondered what had happened to him to swear his allegiance to Voldemort.

With her sleeve of her shirt she rubbed over her face. The tears had stopped, Lily feeling calmer now. She looked at the flower again. Then she wrote ‘thank you very much’ and ‘Lily’ on one of the cardboards, packed it and tucked it in the same space where it had been. Maybe it hadn’t been from Severus, but she had never met anyone else at this place and it couldn’t hurt to thank for a flower, no matter who had placed it here.

She still wasn’t sure what she would do regarding James but it was better now. She would talk to him and she was sure they would find a way out of this that was acceptable for both of them.

Taking another deep breath, savouring the salty sea air, she stood. She was careful with the flower in her hand as she made her way down to the pub.

 

 

James had showered and had tidied the living room. Nothing hinted at what had happened but instead of helping, it made Lily feel worse again. Because James had probably done it dozens of times before. Had practice in leaving no hint of his activities with Sirius and Remus.

Her husband was sitting on the couch, looking up as she appeared. “Lily! Are you all right?”

What a stupid question. She chose not to answer as she walked into the kitchen and put the flower carefully on the table. She’d have to put it somewhere else, somewhere it couldn’t break.

Only then did she sit down next to James on the couch. She turned a little to be better able to look at him. Her hands were on her belly, as if she could protect the child from all this.

“I’m so sorry.” He said again.

Lily ignored this, too. What use did she have from it? “I don’t want to live with you together anymore.” That was probably the only thing that mattered to Lily right now. She didn’t want to see James all the time, didn’t want to have to talk to him. She wanted time to be able to distance herself a little, to get a better view on the situation. She didn’t want to quit everything now because even with this, he had been a good friend. But it would take time, _she_ would need time.

James swallowed, but he nodded. “Do you want me to move out?”

She thought about it. Did she want to live in this house, alone? Since she didn’t have any other options, she supposed it didn’t matter. “Do you have some place you can stay?” Because she wouldn’t kick him out on the street. She might be sad, shocked, confused and on the best way to getting angry about the way he had treated her, but she wasn’t cruel.

He nodded. “Do you want me to leave now?”

Lily sighed. “I think I would like to, yes. I don’t feel like talking about anything right now. I’m tired. And I need time. To think.”

He nodded again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, you have to believe me. I _do_ love you. You won’t keep me from seeing our child, will you?”

She didn’t know if she could believe him. But of course she wouldn’t deny him his child. They would have to find a compromise that suited them both but again she was sure that they would find a way. James might have lied to her but he wasn’t a complete arse. “He is your son. Of course you can spend time with him.”

“Thank you.” It was awkward for a moment, James seemingly unsure what to do. For a moment he looked as if he wanted to kiss her or hug her but Lily frowned and he simply stood up. He got some things from their bedroom, all in all only taking a few minutes. With a last look at her and a ‘good bye’ he was gone.

Lily felt completely drained. What a horrible day. She just wanted to grab something to drink when she saw the flower on her kitchen table again. With her fingers she traced the pedals carefully. Then she took it her into the bedroom, placed it on a small bedside table. She traced it one more time with her fingers before she readied herself for bed. Strange, how such a small gesture, a friend leaving a dried flower at her favourite place, could soothe her like that.

 

 

Lily saw James only a couple of times during the following weeks. He was always polite and he apologized a thousand times for everything. He was so nice to her that she couldn’t hate him, no matter how he had lied to her all the time. But she didn’t like him, either, still feeling betrayed by him and wanting to see him as little as possible.

And then Harry was born. And Lily had other things on her mind than her husband. She hadn’t wanted him to be there, had been all alone during most of it and she was crying because of the pain and the exhaustion she was feeling. That was when the doors opened and he walked in, as if nothing had happened, a slightly frightened smile on his face at her lying there like that.

As a matter of course he took one of her hands and squeezed it. The rest wasn’t as hard as before, simply the presence of a friend making it all easier to bear. And he was her friend, she realized. He had messed up their marriage but all in all he was her friend. And she was so glad that he was with her right now, that he didn’t let her go through this alone.

When it was over, their son being cleaned and clothed, Lily looked at James. He was pale but he smiled at her. Then he took the boy and there was wonder on his face as he touched his tiny hands, his feet, his nose and stroked carefully over his head. Lily was glad he had appeared though she had told him she didn’t want it.

“Thank you.”

His answering smile was brilliant.

When Lily took the baby, James kissed her on the temple. “Can I come tomorrow and visit you both?”

She nodded. When he was gone, Lily got healed and checked over and then she fell asleep, the baby by her side.

 

 

Lily and James developed a routine from then on. He would visit every second day and spent time with the child, go for a walk or simply cuddle with him on the couch. Lily took the time to do things for herself.

It was on one of those days that she went to her spot on the cliff again. She wanted to get some time away from everything, get out of the house for a little. The hike up took her much less time and when she was at the top, the wind blowing stronger today, she felt really good. The clouds on the sky were dark grey and the waves crashed against the rocks loudly.

She sat down on the stone seat and this time she immediately saw that something was there. It seemed to be the same package but someone had taken it out and rewrapped it. Inside of the package was a small piece of paper. ‘You’re welcome. And congratulations to the boy. I hope you are well.”

Tugged in one corner was a small ‘S’. It seemed Severus had been here and it also seemed he was here on a more regular basis than Lily. How long had he waited for her to find the flower? How often had he checked for a response from her?

This time Lily had a piece of paper with her, so she didn’t have to squeeze a few words on a small piece of cardboard. She frowned at the short message Severus had left, but then she smiled. It was so like him to write only very little. But she wouldn’t copy this behaviour.

It took her some time but when she was finished, the whole sheet she had brought was full with words. She had written about herself, how she was, what she was doing, a little about Harry, but she also asked a lot of questions. She was curious about Severus and how his life had changed throughout the years. She knew nothing about the men he had become other than the fact he was a Death Eater, a follower of the Dark Lord. She wanted to know more, wanted to know everything.

Lily stayed for about another half an hour, listening to the waves and the sea gulls and watching the clouds getting darker before she went back.

 

 

Lily was back a week later. She knew that it was dangerous, not only to communicate with Severus, a Death Eater, but also to come back to this place, which was absolutely unprotected. And while only one person knew that she came here and this one person was not James. She hadn’t told him where she went, still talked little with him. If something happened to her on these cliffs, absolutely no one would ever know about it.

But Lily was one hundred percent sure that Severus wouldn’t betray her, wouldn’t tell anyone about her coming here.

So Lily had hiked up to the cliffs again.

Before she even sat down she looked for something from Severus. It had only been a week and she didn’t know if he came here that frequently. But when she saw the new package, a wide smile spread over her face. She took it and unwrapped it impatiently while sitting down.

He _had_ written more this time and she soaked up his words. He hadn’t written as much as she would have liked but it was enough for now. He hadn’t done much after school, had almost immediately joined Voldemort and was in his service since then. Lily had the impression that he wrote about this fact to find out if it would scare her off. It didn’t. She had known about it, had written her first message with her eyes wide open to what Severus was.

But beside them being on different sides in this wizard war, they had been friends, good friends, and Lily had always liked Severus. She supposed that they could have become more had he not been a Slytherin. Because that had been a real problem during their time at school.

Because of the war, Lily had capped all contact with him after school. But now, this, it was nice, Lily thought as she began to write her answer. This time she asked more personal questions, if he had married, if he had a child, whom he was friends with, things like that. Her heart was beating a tad faster as she asked about him having a girlfriend but she ignored it. She was simply curious, that was all.

And so it went for quite some time.

Lily went to the cliff about once per week on a regular basis. Every single time there was a new message from Severus and every time she wrote back. She began to look forward to her next time on the cliff almost as soon as her hike back began. And she started to tell Severus everything that bothered her, told her about James being gay, about her anxiety for her son Harry because of Voldemort and the war. And not long after she had written him the first very personal letter like that, he answered in the same way. She supposed he was still holding a few things back but there he was writing about his fear when he was in the Dark Lord’s presence, about the pressure that being a Death Eater brought, things he probably had never told anyone.

They also wrote about funny things, unimportant things and Lily learned something new about Severus in every single letter. She was delighted about some things, confused about others and though he was a Death Eater, she felt sad for him. Because joining the Dark Lord had felt like the only possibility for him after school.

After finishing her message, Lily stayed on the cliff and just enjoyed the solitude it offered. She was getting along good with James and Harry was getting taller and he was learning so fast, Lily was often surprised by it. But she was also glad about her time here, when she could stop thinking, could let her mind float and didn’t have to worry about anything. Those were the only hours in the week she had completely to herself.

She often thought about Severus when she was here. She was fascinated by the man he had become and she wondered how he might look now. He had been such a cute boy, she remembered. She still kept a picture of him, a small and thin boy with dark hair and solemn eyes, always serious except when he was talking to her. Then he had smiled. It had been solely for her, that smile. She wondered if he’d still smile at her or if the past years had chased it all away. Because it had been hard years, for him even more so than for her.

 

 

One day, there was a bigger package than usual hidden by the stone seat. Curious what it might be, Lily turned it around a few times before unwrapping it.

It was a book, the title unknown to her, no message in addition to it. Lily opened it and immediately started to read. It was perfect, sitting here and reading. It was warm today and she enjoyed it. She was so lost in the book that she didn’t notice when someone came up the hill and stopped only a few feet away from her.

“You shouldn’t come here alone.”

Lily whirled around, the wand in her hand pointing at the person standing there. She had a spell ready but before she could hex the man, she recognized him.

His hair had gotten longer and he wasn’t as scrawny as he had been in school. He looked more mature now, but also a little tired and too pale. He was smiling, though it was definitely mocking, his eye brows raised. “That would have been about five minutes too late. If you come here alone, you should be more alert. I wasn’t even trying to sneak up on you.”

“Severus!” Lily jumped up, put the book at the seat and ran towards him. She flung her arms around his neck and hugged him. Then she leaned back to be able to look at his face. “How are you? How have you been all this time? God, we haven’t met in ages!”

Now that she was near enough, she could see tiny lines between his brows and at the corners of his mouth. He must be frowning a lot and the lines at his mouth weren’t from laughing, probably more from tension. He looked as if his life had been difficult and was wearing on him. But now he smiled, not mocking anymore, but warm as he looked at her, his arms around her waist. Smiled at her like had always done all those years ago. “Hey Lily. Nice to see you. I’m fine. But how are you? Did everything go well with the birth? And how is your baby?”

She hugged him again and he held her tight for a moment. When he released her she took a step back. “Fine, everything was fine. The boy is well, I’m well.” She laughed, so happy to see her friend.

“You look good.” He was still smiling, looking her over.

“Thanks.” Lily took his arm and pulled him towards the tree and the stone seat. “Come, sit down with me. There is so much I want to ask you!”

Severus snorted. “Haven’t you asked enough in those interminable letters of yours? I feel like there is absolutely nothing left that you don’t already know about me and my life.”

“Oh, now, don’t exaggerate like that. We haven’t seen each other so long, you can’t just summarize that time into a few letters. Besides, thank you for the book. Though I would have liked a new letter more.” She sat down on the seat and Severus settled next to her on the grass. Then he took a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket.

“That’s why I came here today. I didn’t have much time to answer the last time so I wanted to span the time with the book.”

Lily grinned now. “Nice.” She took the letter and tucked it into her pocket. She’d read it later. Before she’d place it into the box where she had started to collect all messages she had gotten from him, together with his picture. Only the flower remained on her bedside table. It was too beautiful to hide it in some box.

It was a wonderful day. Lily forgot the time while they were talking. They settled into a comfortable conversation so easily, as if they hadn’t been apart for the last years, the last time speaking with each other in school.

Lily supposed it was like that between friends. No matter how long they didn’t see each other, they remained friends.

Only when it grew colder did Lily notice how late it already was. “I’m sorry, I have to get home. Um, when will you be here again?”

As she stood, so did Severus. “Lily, you shouldn’t meet me here. You shouldn’t have written those letters, either. And you definitely shouldn’t come here alone all the time. It is dangerous.”

Sadness settled over her. “So we won’t see each other again?”

Severus sighed and looked at the sky. “We shouldn’t.”

It had been so very nice to be with him but she knew that he was right. It was too dangerous, probably for them both. “Okay. Good bye, then.” And without waiting for an answer, she went off. Sad and a little disappointed to be rebuffed like that.

“Lily, wait.” She stopped, but didn’t turn around, waiting for whatever he had to say.

“I come here on two days a week. Always the same days and always the same time. You shouldn’t come but I’d be delighted to see you again.”

Now she looked back, a smile on her face. “Thank you.” Then she left.

 

 

Of course she didn’t stay away. Lily knew how dangerous it was to meet with a Death Eater on a regular basis, not to mention at such a secluded spot. But she didn’t care. Their meetings were wonderful and she enjoyed her time with Severus immensely. They fell into a comfortable pattern from then on. Lily had only one day of the week completely free to go alone to the cliffs. But it didn’t take her long to simply take Harry with her on the second day to be able to spend more time with Severus.

He was shocked the first time he saw the boy but he adapted quickly. They sat on the grass with the child, always watchful that he was far enough away from the edge of the cliff. And it was fun. Lily and Harry together were even able to make Severus laugh. And that was a great accomplishment, she thought.

So the weeks flew by. Lily was sure she hadn’t been that happy in a long time, even before she had found James, Sirius and Remus naked in her living room.

One day, when she was at the cliff without Harry, Severus was late. It wasn’t that uncommon because he had many responsibilities as a Death Eater. So Lily waited for him. It was already getting dim, dark clouds forming on the sky in addition, and she knew she had to get back. Just when she got up from the stone seat, he walked up on the cliff.

He looked paler than usual, exhaustion clearly visible on his features.

“Severus!” She ran up to him and hugged him. “Are you all right?” When she wanted to separate to get a better look on his face, he held her close, his arms tight around her. He was quite for several minutes while he hugged her. Lily stayed in his embrace, waiting, and slowly the tension faded from his body. He brushed his cheek against her hair and inhaled deeply.

“Just a hard day, that is all.”

When he released her, she stayed close enough that their bodies were almost touching. “You want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. He looked so very tired and Lily raised her hand to cup his cheek, her thumb stroking over skin slightly rough with stubble. “It isn’t,” he began “that he wanted me to do something I didn’t want to, or something arduous. It’s just that he had me by his side for the last two days for almost every minute. One can never relax even the slightest bit in his presence.” He had his eyes closed and leaned into her touch, his voice not much more than a murmur by the end.

They stood like that until the first rain drops hit them. “You have to get home.”

Lily knew that but she didn’t want to leave him like that. She would have like to accompany him to his house or take him with her to hers but she couldn’t. So she hugged him again, stroking over his back in an attempt to comfort him. “You have to go, too. You need some rest. If you are this tired, you shouldn’t come here. I won’t be mad if you stay away for a day, I’ll come back and we can meet the next time.”

“But I wanted to see you, _needed_ to see you after those two days.”

She stilled at those words. They spoke about more between them than simple friendship. Lily had felt like that, too, before, when Harry had been a handful she had to get along with alone and when seeing James afterwards had made her angry and upset because he had lied to her and she had just wanted to get away for a few hours. She had been glad beyond belief that she had Severus as a friend. Because spending time with him always made her feel better. No matter how worn out she had been, she had always left refreshed and ready to start into the next week after meeting him.

When their gazes met, her breath hitched. There was something in his eyes that made her suddenly overly aware of the fact that they were still touching from chest to toes. Her heart began to beat faster as she held his gaze. The rain got stronger, more drops falling, but Lily hardly realized it. She was trapped in his eyes and pulled towards him by an unseeable force. As he leaned down, towards her, she got up on tiptoes to meet him halfway.

His kiss, his lips warm and soft against hers, made Lily sigh. It was a soft kiss that ended way too soon. Severus had her face cradled in his hands as he leaned his forehead against hers. “Lily, we can’t.”

Her heart clenched at those words, because they were true. It was too widely known who they both were, where their loyalties lay. They could never ever be seen together.

This night Lily let Harry sleep in her bed. She felt forlorn and too sad, seeking comfort in her son’s presence during the night. She didn’t have to touch him, but simply knowing that he was there beside her made her less lonely.

 

 

Lily was nervous as she headed to the cliff with Harry. She and Severus hadn’t talked about their kiss, hadn’t seen each other since then. She wasn’t sure how to behave. Would he even come today? He had told her again and again how dangerous it was for them to meet. Maybe he had decided that the risk wasn’t worth it.

But she shouldn’t have worried. As she hiked up the last hill, Harry heavy on her back, she could already see Severus sitting on the stone seat. When he turned and smiled at her, all her nervousness was chased away. She grinned and let Harry down. The boy had seen Severus, too, and began to crawl towards him in high speed.

It was a fun day. Lily did realize that Severus watched more intently than usual her from time to time, she could almost feel his gaze. And she was sure that more than once his eyes dropped to her mouth when she was talking or laughing. Not that she didn’t watch him, too.

When he laughed at something Harry did, she wanted to kiss him so badly, she had to turn away. But it was hard. And it hurt to have to do so.

Lily was exhausted by the time Harry got whiney, a sure sign that it was time to leave. She had put all her energy in not touching Severus, in not staring at him overmiuch, in not kissing him though she wanted to do nothing more..mouth when she was talking or laugh though her hands were itching to, in not staring at him overmuch, in not kissing him though she wanted to do nothing more. And she wasn’t sure if she could keep going like that. If their meetings were now all like that, she would break. Either, she would throw herself at him and kiss him senseless or she would stop seeing him, would stop coming to the cliff. She didn’t know which would be better and which would hurt less in the end.  

With Harry on her back, she smiled at Severus tiredly. “Have a nice week.” She blew a strand of hair out of her face. “See you. “

Just when she wanted to go, Severus stepped into her space, near enough that she had to tip her head back not to stare at his chest but at his face. If she hadn’t been so tired, she’d have probably seen it coming, but as it was, she was completely taken by surprise as he leaned down and kissed her.

Then one of his hands combed through her hair while he held her upper arm with the other. After the kiss, he stayed close, is eyes searching her face and whatever he found, it made him lean forward again, kiss her again, this time firmer, his lips lingering against hers.

„Sorry, I couldn’t see you, be with you, all day, and not kiss you.”

Lily’s breath caught in her throat. Then she smiled, the first time this day really feeling like it. Severus was still close enough that she had only to go on tiptoes a little to initiate a third kiss. And this time, it would have become deeper, would have become a tangling of tongues, open mouthed and hot, if Harry hadn’t been of the opinion that his mother had ignored him long enough and that he wanted to get going.

Her laugh was breathless as she stepped back, Severus’ hands falling to his sides as he let her go. She shook her head at him. “Don’t wait until the last possible moment the next time, please. You don’t have to make it a test of self-control, you know?”

Without giving him a chance to answer, she left. Harry’s wailing was getting louder and they wouldn’t have been able to get a normal conversation going then anyway.

But now she felt better than she had the whole day. She knew that it was the probably worst idea to see Severus again, to meet him though she _knew_ that they would kiss again. But she couldn’t stay away.

And though it was raining cats and dogs the next time she went to the cliff, Harry being with James, she couldn’t get there fast enough, anticipation coursing through her veins.

Severus wasn’t there yet, and so Lily used the time to get a place under the tree, near the trunk, dry, put a blanket there and cast some kind of shield above it to keep the rain away. She herself was wet by the time she had finished it but now there was a cosy place in the middle of this weather. With a sigh she lay down, staring at the raindrops falling on the ‘shield’ she had made.

“Hey.”

Lily jumped a little, not having heard Severus approaching through the rain. Then she sat up, smiling at him. “Hey!”

He hesitated before he sat beside her. He left as much space between them as possible and he seemed to be nervous. He didn’t look at her for long moments and Lily, unsure what this was about, just waited.

Severus fidgeted with his robes. They were completely dry, so he had thought about shielding himself from the rain on his way here, in contrast to Lily. His eyes skipped to her, and away again. Then he turned around, staring. “You are completely soaked!” His gaze slid over her body, then back up again. His cheeks turned red.

Lily looked down at herself. Her clothes clung tightly to her body and her shirt had gotten a little transparent, her underwear visible through the cloth. “Oh.” She used a spell to make her clothes and her hair dry. And when she looked up again, their gazes caught. Several emotions flittered over Severus face, too fast for her to decipher. But it seemed as if he was fighting with himself. If it was the same as with Lily, it was the ‘we can’t’ fighting against the ‘I want’. The ‘I want’ won, maybe due to a little push from tight and transparent clothes.

Because he leaned over, buried his hand in her hair and pulled her towards him determinedly. As their lips met, Lily moaned and Severus deepened the kiss immediately. She moved closer, her hands roaming over his body, touching him wherever she could reach, while she nipped and licked, their tongues meeting. His mouth was hot on hers, and her head swam from the pleasure of it. When he moved away, as if to break the kiss, she followed, unable to stop kissing him, wanting more.

Severus groaned and lifted her on his lap, until she was straddling him. She could feel him hard and big against the centre of her body, where she was throbbing with every touch of his tongue against hers. She began to rub against him, pressing her breasts against his chest. She was panting by now and when he grabbed her arse with both hands to pull her closer while moving his hips upwards, she moaned at the feel of his cock firm against her core. He repeated the motion, again and again, until Lily was riding him. He leaned back against the trunk of the tree but kept his hands on her butt. They had stopped kissing by now, the air around them filled with gasps and moans, their breathing erratic at best.

Lily would have liked to get their clothes off, to have skin against skin, to actually have him _inside_ of her, but she was burning with need, with pleasure, and she wouldn’t interrupt this now. She was close, as was Severus. And she was desperate to have this, with him.

“Lily,” a gasp, “we can’t.”

“What?” Her thoughts were fuzzy but she stopped moving at those words. “You want to stop? Now?” She opened her eyes to look at him, only one movement away from orgasm, her body shaking, her breathing harsh. He was shaking, too, the hands on her body twitching, as if he couldn’t decide if he wanted to make her move or not.

“We should stop, yes.”

Lily stared, incredulous. “You don’t really mean that.”

He opened his eyes, then, staring back. “No.” He tried to kiss her while simultaneously getting her to move again but that wasn’t enough for Lily. It took all her strength not to give in, and not because Severus was stronger but because her body craved this so much.

“I want to hear it. I want to hear you say that you want this.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, there was no indecision. “I want this, I want more than this. I want you, want to kiss you, touch you, fuck you for real. I know it is dangerous, that we should never have started this, but I want you so much it hurts sometimes to look at you. Now _please_ move.” He tugged at her hips again and this time Lily gave in to the raging need of her body. Their lips met in a sloppy kiss as they moved against each other and within seconds, they both came.

Lily slumped against Severus, her head on his shoulder, breathing heavy and feeling boneless. She made herself comfortable, as soon as she could get her body to move and snuggled close. She sighed. “That was nice.”

“More than nice, I hope.” Underneath her hand, his chest rumbled at those words.

She had to laugh. “Yes, more than nice. And it wasn’t even sex.” She leaned away a bit and smiled at him.

It was still raining, making them sit in a cocoon of warmth and dryness.

Severus didn’t smile back, just stared at her. “You know that this is dangerous. And that we can’t ever be seen together. That our time will be limited to this, to meeting on two days a week for a few hours, as long as the Dark Lord is alive?”

Lily’s smile vanished. Of course she knew that. But she would take what she could get.

 

 

It was harder than Lily would have imagined. She missed Severus a lot when she was at her house. But the time they spent together, it was wonderful. On the days Lily didn’t have Harry, they had sex, lots and lots of sex and it was fantastic. When Harry was with them, they would cuddle and talk, just like they had done before. Only now Lily was more relaxed when she leaned against Severus while she told him about her week.

It was the best time of her life, though their time together was limited to a few hours per week.

One day, Lily was just playing with Harry in the living room, James came running into the house. He still had a key though he never visited unannounced. So it was no wonder Lily was alarmed by his sudden presence. Something had happened, she was sure of it. And it had.

“Lily, Voldemort is hunting for Harry. We have to get him away from here, and you, too.”

They took only what was really necessary and then they were out. They went to Remus house. They wouldn’t stay there because it wouldn’t be safer than her house. But they had to discuss what they wanted to do next, where they wanted to stay, how dangerous it was. James had surely heard more but they had to leave first. Lily had been fighting against the Dark Lord for some time now and she knew that this was the first priority, always. It wasn’t even the first time she and James had to get a new place. That was the risk when fighting against the most powerful wizard. But like the last time they were fast enough and long gone when Voldemort appeared at Lily’s house.

Remus had already expected them. Sirius was there, too, and when they were all sitting, Harry on James’ lap, he told Lily what he had heard. There seemed to be some kind of prophecy and now Voldemort was actively searching for Harry. Simply getting a new house in which they could hide wouldn’t work anymore. They had to find a way to protect the boy better.

The three men were discussing about the how, while Lily could only stare at Harry. He was such a cute child, and her heart was heavy with the knowledge of the amount of danger he was in. And when James suggested that the boy stay with him, Sirius and Remus for a while, she agreed. Because the three of them were stronger and because Voldemort would never expect Lily to give her child away. He would always assume that the boy was with her and so it would be safer if he was with James.

Besides, Lily was one hundred percent sure that James would protect Harry with his life.

Then they discussed about who would be their Secret Keeper, who would be the only person who would know where they were hiding. Lily wouldn’t know it, either, she would get a separate hiding place of which the three men wouldn’t know anything. She would ask Severus to be her Secret Keeper because he was the person she trusted most.

“Lily can’t know who our secret keeper will be, either. We should discuss it when she has left.” James looked at her as if he wanted her to confirm it, so she nodded.

The rest of the afternoon, Lily cuddled and played with Harry, saying goodbye for now. She didn’t know when she’d see him again but the safety of her child was more important than her wish to be with him. It wasn’t forever, it was only temporary, as long as Voldemort was hunting him.

“You are okay?” Lily was standing in front of James, Harry sleeping in one of the beds in the house with Remus sitting by his side. James nodded. He was the one who was in more danger because he had Harry with him. At least he wasn’t alone, had Sirius and Remus. They wouldn’t see each other as long as they were in their hidden places.

“Yes. And you? Are you sure you want to leave Harry with us?”

Of course Lily was sad about it but she knew that it was safer for the boy. “Yes, I’m sure.” And then, for the first time since she had found out that James was betraying her with Sirius and Remus, she hugged him. James held her close and she stayed in his embrace for long moments. “I’ll protect him. He’ll be fine with me.”

Lily took a deep breath at those words and stepped back. “I know.”

Then she left. She couldn’t go back to her house and so she went to the cliff. It wouldn’t be very comfortable but she would stay there for the night and then she’d look for a new place to stay. But today she was too exhausted for that. And she’d write a message for Severus, just in case she wouldn’t be able to go to the cliff on their next ‚rendezvous’.

It wasn’t the most comfortable of nights, but it could have been worse. Lily was just getting ready to leave on the next morning, when Severus appeared. It wasn’t one of the days where he usually came here, and at the sight of him a feeling of dread swamped over Lily.

It only worsened when she saw his face.

“Lily.” He hugged her tight but only for a second. “It’s good that I find you here. We have to get to James, the one he choose as Secret Keeper is a traitor. The Dark Lord knows that Harry is with him and he knows where to find him.”

Lily stared at Severus as dread morphed into fear and bone deep despair.

That just couldn’t be true. They had thought too well about whom to make Secret Keeper that she just couldn’t believe they’d have chosen a traitor.

“Lily?” Severus brushed a hand through her hair and then cupped her face. “Lily, I’m sorry, but we have to move!”

“We can’t.” Her legs gave way under her body and she crumbled to the ground, desperation making her eyes spill over with tears. “I don’t know where they are. I wasn’t told.” Which meant she could do absolutely nothing to save her child. Nothing. Her shoulders started to shake and she began to sob and cry as she had never done in her whole life. Severus knelt by her side and held her but nothing he said could comfort her. Because she was losing her child to the Dark Lord, probably in exactly this moment. And she was helpless.

She was so forlorn in her sadness that she didn’t feel when the entire wizard world shook with an invisible force. But Severus felt it. And he knew what it meant, because he was a Death Eater, was connected to Voldemort. He felt it the moment his Lord died.

His head snapped up, disbelief coursing through him. It couldn’t be. Because who should have killed him? James and his two friends? They were in no way strong enough, not even the three of them together. Something else had had to have happened.

“Lily, the Dark Lord is dead.” Her head snapped up, her eyes red from crying, wetness streaking her cheeks. They moved together. Down from the cliff, back to Lily’s house, then to Remus’. All the while, Severus was by her side. Neither cared about others seeing them together now.

They found the house James had been hiding in. Lily stopped in front of it, dreading what she would see when she stepped inside. But Severus by her side gave her strength.

Before she could enter the house, though, Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of the wizard school Hogwarts approached them. “Lily Potter. I’m glad to see you are well. Not so glad to bring you bad news. But first, I want to give you your child.” In his arms was Harry, the boy clinging to the robes tightly until he saw Lily. Then he reached for her, starting to cry. As soon as she held him, he tried to get as close as possible. Lily cried again, too, so glad to hold her boy in her arms. She had been so convinced that he was dead, that she’d never see him again. Through it all, Severus never left her side, was standing behind her now, near enough that she could lean against him. When she turned towards him, he closed his arms around her and Harry, creating a space where she felt as safe as she could ever feel. Harry slowly calmed down between them, still snuggled close.

“What happened?” Severus voice was calm as he asked Dumbledore. Lily wanted to know it, too, but at the moment she cared more about having her boy in her arms then about why Voldemort was dead while the child wasn’t.

“I’m not one hundred percent sure but I would say that James sacrificed his life for the boy. And this sacrifice created some kind of shield around the boy, which made the curse Voldemort threw at Harry bounce right back at him. I’m sorry, Lily, but James died protecting Harry. As did Sirius and Remus. The two must have tried to fight against the Dark Lord while James went to Harry. They didn’t have a chance. But they were able to save the boy.” He smiled a little now. “I would say, the prophecy came true and Harry is probably a legend now. He’ll be a hero throughout the wizard world before he even knows what he did.”

And he was right. Wherever Lily went with Harry, the wizards always wanted to look at him, touch him and see the scar that was the only thing that remained from the curse Voldemort had thrown at Harry. The scar was shaped like a lightning bolt on his forehead. He was the boy that had defeated Voldemort, the boy that had lived through the Killing Curse.

The funeral for James, Sirius and Remus was held a few days later. Lily had achieved that they be buried in one grave together. Because though she had hated the way James had betrayed her, she couldn’t deny the love the three men had felt for each other. Until the end. Silent tears ran down her cheeks as she stood by the grave after the ceremony. Severus stood by her side. One arm around her shoulder as he gave silent support. He had taken Harry so Lily could put flowers on the grave. He didn’t pretend to be sad about James being gone (Lily thought that no one would have ever believed that) but he respected her sadness and was there for her.

They had been together since the morning when Voldemort had died, there being no reason to stay apart anymore. They more than a few stares but Lily didn’t care.

It was strange how her life had changed during only a few days. Of course she was sad that James was gone but when she woke up on the day after the funeral and looked at Severus, who was lying next to her in the bed, she just had to smile. James had not only saved Harry with his sacrifice but he had saved them all. Lily would never forget him, had even hung three pictures of him in the house after she had removed them when he had betrayed her. He hadn’t been a good husband but he had been the best father one could wish for.

With a sigh, Lily wrapped an arm around Severus and snuggled close, enjoying being able to do so now whenever she wanted. The sound of tiny feet padding into the room made her smile wider. Harry climbed into the bed, scrambling over Severus on his way to Lily. One of his knees hit his stomach and Severus groaned, rolling into a ball on instinct to protect his body from Harry.

Lily laughed as she plucked Harry from him and tugged him under the blanket between them. “You think this is funny?” His voice was scratchy from sleep.

When he turned around, she smiled at him. He was gorgeous when he woke up. His always kempt hair was tousled, sticking in all directions, his face was unshaven and the look in his eyes was different, too. Lazy and warm, as if he only tugged the cold facade into place after he had gotten up. Lily loved to see him like that, loved that he let her see him like that. He smiled back, laying one hand on Harry’s stomach as the kid didn’t stop to wriggle around, almost kicking him again in the process.

The boy settled down like that. Severus was often able to calm him, just like Lily got calmer when she was with him. It was fascinating.

They stayed in bed, the three of them, until Harry wouldn’t lie still anymore. He climbed out of bed and Lily followed, making breakfast. Severus followed a few minutes later, already dressed and helped her.

Afterwards, when Harry was playing and Lily put everything away, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He put his chin on her shoulder, their cheeks touching.

“Lily, I love you.”

Her heart skipped a beat as she turned in his arms. He hadn’t yet shaved, still looked rumpled from sleep. She hadn’t thought about it until now, there being so much on her mind all the time. But as she looked into his eyes now, she knew it. Knew that she had been in love with this man for quite some time now.

It had been a long journey for them, from being friends in school, then not talking for years, until Lily had found the flower by the stone seat on the cliff. All those messages, the meetings, everything in secret.

But before she could say the words back, he continued. “I found the box in which you put all the letters I wrote. Together with the picture of me and the flower. I didn’t dare tell you I love you because I didn’t think you could love me, too.” Now he smiled. “But seeing how you kept those things, I think it was stupid for me to wait so long. So, I’ll just say it again: I love you. I have loved you since the first time I saw you and I never stopped loving you.”

She framed his face with her hands, liking the feel of his whiskers against her palms. When she had found the flower on the cliff, she had known that he loved her. But she had not once thought about it, or thought about her own feelings. Now that she did, it was so clear that she wondered how she hadn’t realize it. Not that it really mattered, because in the end, they had found each other, despite all those stones that had been thrown in their path, they had found each other. And they had made it through. The war was over, Voldemort was dead, Harry alive, and they were together and safe.


End file.
